so im thinking that i would like to find someone to settle down with for a while, no idea who though.

i get to see selena bunni on saturday :]]
yay mall

i can't believe how my mother could ruin any good mood i have

"you are never going to amount to anything"

i am in a much better mood today :]
i went to bed at 4am and got up at 11am and didnt feel tired :]]
i took a shower
i painted my nails and actually put on make up for the first time in like 2 weeks :]]

he fell out of love with me for her and now shes fallen out of love with him
ahahahahahahahaha
i am jacks smirking revenge :]

btw when i got up there was snow on the ground...cool
hmm my least favorite season is fast approaching
however my 2nd favorite holiday is fast approaching as well [thanksgiving]
yay for turkey
yay for mashed potatos
yay for fresh made rolls
yay for green beans
yay for cranberries
yay for my family sitting down and acting like a family

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.

He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that.
 
But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced His family…”

Granny fainted….


this is lame but it made me laugh

so i feel alittle better today
but i still am losing my voice :[
i have been drinking alot of hot chocolate and eating soup

me and mom currently are not speaking again
becasue i guess im not allowed to be sick for 2 days
she keeps going on and on about i couldnt act/be sick if i had a job
but since i dont right now i dont think me being sick is such a big deal
i need a job so bad, just so she will get off my back about it
the transportation is really the problem
gr

i have become addicted to watching iron man !!
robert downey jr. as tony stark is a foxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

so my life has been pretty crazy since i last posted something
i added this guy that i used to ride the bus with when i was in like middle school on facebook and we started talking, we exchanged cell numbers and he called me and ended up coming to my dance recital 
i have never hada guy do something that nice for me and he picked me a flower and it was really sweet, he told me to call him to say goodnite and i told him that i would call him the next day however i ended up fighting with my parents so i called him and we talked from 10:30 to 2:30 am !!
we ended up hanging out later that week and we saw ironman [fucking amazing movie i saw it twice in theatres and i cant wait to buy it] he was super sweet and i asked him if he wanted to go to class nite that friday and he said maybe
i sent him a post on facebook asking if he still amybe wanted to go becasue i needed to buy the tickets and he said that he didnt want to go and that he wasnt sure if he liked me anymore
he said we are to different and we live in different worlds and it would take forever to make it to the middle in other words im not the girl he expected
im over it
i have been fighting with my parents more and more it seems i cant seen to escape :[[
i wish i could go back to the time when my parents were proud of me and still thought i was worth something
back to when we got along
it seems that everyday the only communication between me and my mom is some form of fighting or yelling
i hate it more then anything and it really driving me crazy
im letting stress get to me more and smoking is not making me feel any better, i tihnk i need to find a new stress reliever
i have so much more to write but i think im going to go get a shower and go to bed, this will still be here when i wake up

 

there are so many things in my life that i regret, so im not sure what i would choose
or
i am a pirate and you are a ninja
we are both equally rad


 

so it has literally been ever since i updated this thing
i was having to much fun the last couple months
i met a boy.. ok so i didnt meet him i have known him forever but we started to hang out again
he made me super happy, now he just wants to be friends and its awkward, oh but we are still going to prom together... but im thinking of going with someone else
spring break was rad
i was hardly at home at all :]]
i have started smoking more heavily again, i know its a bad habit but i have been under alot of stress actually i have just had alot of stuff to worry about
my best friend is probably going to jail/ prison for like 6 months and now he doesnt have a phone anymore and i never get to see him
im not sure how i am going to survive without him i mean hes the only person that im 100% honest with :[ alright thats enough about that
i still need a prom dress
i was hoping to go today with my mom but she just got home and i dont think she wants to leave again
the one i really want is $100 and she says she wont buy it :[ i need a job like crazy
i finally got to see kc yesterday
i hate that shes going to the alternative cuz i never get to see her anymore and that makes me super sad
i also go to see a bunch of other ppl i hadnt seen in a while becasue we went to the skate park
hoepfully soon a nice boy is going to teach me to skate :]
i know its lame but i have wanted to forever and this might be my only chance
omg im graduating soon and im freaking out
my mom is still saying she doesnt think im going to graduate if shes trying to do reverse psychology on me its not working it just makes me really mad
i am working on being home less and less which makes me super happy
im excited that its now warm outside :]]
i recently got unlimited txt on my phone so i would be able to talk to the boy i talk about earlier in this entry, however now we dont even talk that much so my unlimited txt is kinda pointlees now :[ if you like to txt you should let me know and ill give you my number becasue looking at my phone and realzing that i have no new messages just makes me feel sad and empty [im lame]
me and my mom have been fighting alot more lately and when we are not fighting we are sitting in complete silence
i am hoping my dad is coming back home today becasue if not being at home is like being locked in prison
hopefully im going to be gone this weekend but i still have to see if he will let me stay, im going to beg and plead with him so i dont have to be at home
i recently started hanging out randomly with another cuute boy, but hes kind of a player and im not sure how its going to work out. im not really looking at him as boyfriend materal probably becasue we have almost nothing in common but hes stil fun to hang out with.
too bad he works almost all the time
i have postponed and my parents have helped me on not growing up
now im like freaking out about it
i feel like i need to grow up super fast and get it over with, i was watching aladdin today which is my favorite disney movie of all time that i wish i was still a kid
im almost 19 years old and sometimes i wish i was still 10
im excited however to be getting older but im dreading it as well
i need to start applying to schools but i need money to be able to do that which is something im lacking
i asked my mother for the money and she told me EXACT WORDS "im not giving you any money to apply becasue you wont get in anyway"
awesome
usually your parents dont say things like that
they are supposed to idk make you feel better ! not worse
ok ok enough ranting
my grandma is not doing so well again and im afraid of what to do without her
i intend on getting a tattoo in her memory
but i havent found an image i like also im broke and i dont have an ID [i cant even buy my own smokes] sadface
i have recently [like yesterday] started talking to someone again i swore to myself i would never speak to again after what he did to me
he has offered to teach me how to skateboard
i fully intend on taking him up on that offer
im afraid of being friends with him again
im afraid to trust him again
especially after the like 8 times he betrayed me
however i have decided not only to look at the past but to be more focused on the future becasue you can change the future but the past will aways stay the same s othere is no need to dwell on it
if you know me at all then you know i like to doodle and mostly on my left arm, my parents hate it and complain about how embarassing it is when we go out it public [im not sure how it is but whatever]
i told my dad about that tattos i want to get and he said that if i get a single one he doesnt want me to set foot in his house
awesome again
well if all goes to plan i will be moved out sooner then i wanted to
i dont want to move out to fast becasue i want to be able to afford it first
oh well
i guess we havent picked an apartment yet so i tihnk im safe for a while
i am terrified to live on my own but i wont addmit that t my parents
i really want some BK right now
actually i want to do anything that could get me out of my house and out of the silence that is killing me and no amount of music can seem to fill
more to come when i get time
MiNi VaN

so i got my senior pictures back on friday

this one is my favorite !

dance

this one shows my true personality

my grandma is getting this one

my moms least favorite

my parents favorite

everyone loves this one

 old friends
wearing saftry pins in my ears
brite eyeliner
wearing my waaay too big ren and stimpy tee
plain black hoodies
rainbow necklace
purple heart shaped ring
thinking i was "hardcore"
pretty much i miss the person i used to be..
im not sure i like the person i have become.